I married my ex-wife in 1991 after dating for her 5 years. We separated in May of 2003 and our divorce was final in August of 2004. I married the love of my life, the woman that God brought to me, in 2007. God is good!
I recently took over the role of Life Groups Pastor at my church, Bay Area Fellowship. Over the last 10 years I’ve gone from Life Group leader to Life Group Pastor; I believe I’ve come full circle, so to speak.
I began leading a singles Life Group in early in 2005. God really prompted my heart to serve singles by providing an environment where we could grow in our relationships with Christ and support and encourage one another. I, vividly, recalled the struggle of getting through my separation and divorce and I needed to share what God had shown me through that journey.
Now that I’m married again, God hasn’t let me forget that journey. I am a living testimony of what God’s Word tells us in Romans 8:28; “…he works all things for the good….” I’ve had the opportunity to see, over the last several years, how God didn’t waste my hurt. He used it, and me, to lift others up.
Like I said in my previous post, I always knew that marriage could be great. God’s proven that to me over the last 7 years. However, there was a specific moment in time when the opportunity to have the great marriage that I have today became possible. This may surprise you, but that moment came long before I met my wife.
Sometime late in 2004, I was walking back to my apartment after a morning run, and I was struggling with the thoughts of all I had done to contribute to my divorce and what I could do to fix it. I believe that Satan wanted me to remain focused on my ex-wife and my divorce. One of the thoughts that would cross my mind regularly was… if I could just remarry my ex-wife then everything would be okay.
Thankfully, the Holy Spirit reminded me that the divorce was done. I couldn’t take that back even if we did remarry. The sin couldn’t be undone. With that realization, I gave my desire to be married over to the Lord. I said exactly these words that morning; “Lord, if I am to remarry my ex-wife (I probably said her name), then I need to see her life change; I need see her give her life to You; if it’s not going to be her but someone else, then please make that person clear to me when the time is right, and if I am meant to live me life as a single person then so be it. I will serve you will all that I have and all that I am.”
In that moment, I felt the release of all of the weight of the burdens that I had been carrying with me. I felt a peace that I hadn’t known in a long time. By trusting God with that part of my life I released myself to live the life that He had for me. It was that moment that set me up to have the marriage that I have today – I truly believe that.
When we’re single, the idea of being married can become an idol to us. Any idol keeps us from the best that God has for us. If you want to live a successful single life you need to adjust your focus. You need to focus on your God.
You may be thinking, “I love God!” and I’m not saying that you don’t, but if you’re spending a good bit of time thinking about why you’re not married then it may be becoming an idol.
God’s Word tells us to love Him first (Matthew 22:37) and to seek Him first and He’ll take care of everything else (Matthew 6:33).
So here is my encouragement to you if you’re single. Drop your agenda and take up His. Love Him and love His people. Serve in His house. Join a Life Group so that you can spend time in community with other believers.
God has great things in store for you but it’s His will, not yours. Focus on serving and honoring Him.